This morning I lost it on my kids.
Completely.
Berserk.
Lectured them all the way to school.
Dropped them off crying.
All of us.
I felt awful.
They felt awful.
Problem not really solved.
The problem? My two darling oldest children CANNOT FIND A WAY TO TREAT EACH OTHER KINDLY AND STOP BICKERING. CONSTANTLY. I've been trying to remain calm and infuse them with empathy for each other while handing out consequences. Nothing is working. And in the turmoil of the move I admit I have not been able to devote enough time to them and this disturbance. They are making me crazy.
What to do?
Well, completely blowing my stack this morning certainly was not the way to go (note to other parents). Not only do we all feel crummy, but my throat really hurts.
I found this article on the LDS website
I realized that I am all for natural, logical consequences, but lately I have been resorting to quick, meaningless punishments that are hard to enforce. Or consist only of "Stop that right now!" or "Why do you have to do that?" (a totally useless question for kids that never has a suitable answer for parents. I am just wasting my breath). I know this, yet I continue on. Remember the definition of stupidity - Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Welcome to my parenting life lately!
Anyhow, in the past we have assigned wall washing when fighting occurs. Works wonders and will really be helpful to me during this move!
But one question for all you amazing parents -
What is a natural consequence for name calling and belittling behavior? You know, "I'm better than you", "you suck", "well, that's dumb". I realize these are all part of childhood, but it's getting quite caustic and harming the self-esteem of others. Any great ideas?
Short answer? There isn't one. And I don't have any great ideas, but you might try the book, "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. It is full of great ideas, including the strategy of family meetings & how to solve problems together instead of imposing arbitrary punishments that often (as you know) don't work. It's worth a read. Good luck!
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