My Life with Boys...

I grew up with sisters, except my little brother who was 13 years younger. so I was gone before he really got involved.  Anyone with sisters knows about cat fights - mean words, the silent treatment, exclusion, maybe someone got their hair pulled or earned a scratch.

I am now a mother of mainly boys - 3 lovely, very boyish boys. I have had to learn that boys fight very different from girls.  Sure, exclusion and cruel words come into it, but boy fights escalate to violence at a much quicker rate. Girls use words and/or silence, boys duke it out.(Side note here: girl fights last forever. Once boys swing it's usually over.)

Last night Clay and Mac got into it over something trivial - lego, I think. Before I knew it, they had each grabbed a cutting board (plastic and flimsy, not hard) off the counter and made their strike.  I pulled them apart and gave them the look. Fast forward one minute: one kicks the other, the other kicks back, one throws a punch at the arm...Mom rushes in and tears them apart, taking one out of the kitchen to cool off.

Meanwhile...

The other was standing on a small step stool through all of this and lost his balance grabbing at whatever was on the counter in an effort to stop his momentum toward the ground.

That item was my deep fryer.

Oil.

Everywhere.

This is the point where mom gives herself a time out while the boys run for cover.

Oh, and dad came in from shovelling the snow in -40 weather.  Not happy.

An hour of clean up and two boys in their beds later we were able to discuss the consequences.

Today there was no school.  First, these lovely boys got to sit with mom and read scriptures about not having contention in the home, loving others like the Savior does and the Golden Rule.  Then they were able to discuss with each other what they each could have done differently last night, as well as come up with a plan for future discipline relating to cruelty and violence in our home. Then they got the talk about what happens to people who can't control their tempers when they grow up.

(Side note 2: making boys talk to each other is almost worse for them than just punishing them. It was a very torturous half hour.)

After the discussion, they were assigned jobs to complete together. Two reasons: first, to make up for the hour I spent cleaning the kitchen floor and counters last night; second, to learn to get along.  Because therein was the catch.  They were not done working til they could work without fighting or biting remarks.

I've never had a cleaner pantry, more folded laundry or beautifully shovelled walks/driveway than I do today.

I grew up a child with sisters.

I am now a mom of boys.

Maybe one day I'll figure this out...

Soft, and ok with it!

I was accused of being "soft" today for allowing Clayton to stay home. Why? His regular teacher is out for 3 weeks with surgery. They have had a sub in now for two weeks. This morning he refused to get out of bed and was near tears when he explained his sub yells at them and refuses to do much more than hand out the work sheets. She also told all of those precious grade fours that it had been a long couple of weeks and that while some of them she could handle, there are a number of them she can't. How's that for your self esteem?

And so yes, much to the disappontment of Dan's aide, i let him take a day off. In her opinion we need to learn early to just stick it out.

Hmmm. So oyr kids should learn young that adults have the power to demean and belittle them? That emotional and psychological abuse in any form is ok if it comes from someone in a position of authority? That you should just put up and shut up to maintain the apoearance of peace?

No thanks. I only wish he had the forum to vouce his concerns and advocate for all the kids in his class. To be able to say "when you yell at us it does not help us be better, it only make us resent you more!"

So if I'm soft for wanting to give my child a day of refuge from the storms of life, so be it. The love and respect he feels from his dad and I will resonate far further into the future than anything he might miss out on at school today - especially the yelling.

Where can i start a movement toward quality teaching in this public school system that only seems to squeeze the life and happiness out of our kids?

New Beginning Hits Full Swing

What a week!  After making an unplanned trip down south during the holidays (which was great) and coming home with Dad and 2 kids sick, the transition back to routine has been chaotic.  Piano lessons are back in full swing and we're desperately trying to reimplement regular bedtime/wake time.  Finally starting to turn last night.  But I'm sure that is the same boat as everyone.

In the middle of it all the Branch Presidency decided to ask me to head up the primary as its president.  And start cubs.  And try to be to church 15 minutes early to play 10 minutes of prelude. And say a talk in two weeks.  And plan the sacrament meeting music for the year. I have to admit I almost cried.  I feel so out of control in my own home I don't know how they think I'm gonna run that chaos.

Deep breath.

One step at a time.  This week I will just start by planning a sharing time and a senior primary class. And we will try to have scriptures before bed at least twice.  And we have had family prayer every day.  And I will try to keep my voice down - at least for the rest of the day.  Oh, and maybe I will put the hymn numbers up on Saturday night instead of in the morning.

15 minutes early for church?  That might take a little more time...