Hey all. I guess it's been quite a while since I last wrote. Not much to say. Or rather, things I just am tired of thinking about. This post may be slightly down, but it's kind of where I'm at right now. And mostly I'm just putting my thoughts into words. As you might know, things have been kind of challenging out here on the West Coast. Yes, the weather's good. The job prospects are not. The hygiene sector out here is totally saturated, so I am experiencing my first real time of unemployment. I don't think I ever really understood the huge frustration and despair of wanting to work and being willing, able and skilled and educated to hold employment- yet having no employment to hold. It is a very helpless feeling to sit at home all day worrying and hoping and praying that today will be the day something will come along. There are so many other hygienists out here doing the same thing I'm sure.
Anyhow, life is life and I guess we have to find a way to embrace this challenge and grow from it. Conference was so uplifting and I re-focused my attention on my real number one job: raising my family. They are the most important thing in this world to me. I am trying to be grateful that I am able to stay at home with my kids, even if it's somewhat forced. I also have a hubby who is already planning to apply for another part time job to make things work, and that is a wonderful blessing to be married to a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for his family. D&C 88:81-84 continues to be brought to my mind and I realize that the Lord knows us and our situation and he realizes we are simply trying to do what is best for our family and he will provide a way. We know we are meant to be out here. We have had that confirmed to us time and again in the little miracle that happened to bring us here. I am trying to have faith so that, as someone in conference said, hope will come and therefore peace.
I was remembering that Joseph Smith stated that one aspect of faith is knowing that the course you are taking is in line with the Lord's will for us. I believe I am where I should be, but I can't help but wonder if something I am hoping for or some aspect of what I believe should happen is not what he has in store. Last month in the Ensign Jeffery R. Holland wrote an amazing talk about leaving behind what you think your life should be and accepting what the Lord would have for you because it is always infinitely better than what we could dream up. I suppose I fall onto what I have always known - and we have always been blessed with my ability to go in and out of work in my field. Maybe that is not what the Lord has planned for me out here. Perhaps he knows how much our family needs me at home in this tough area. Perhaps we need to feel the discouragement of waiting and worrying so we can empathize with others in ths situation. Perhaps we need to learn how to accept help from others. Mom and Dad have already offered so much assistance in so many ways and I really struggled with letting that happen until Inalee finally told me to get over myself and allow others to serve us. I hate it when she's right. LOL. I don't know what we are supposed to get out of this. Or maybe I just haven't reached the point yet of having real, solid faith that the Lord will help us out of this. I still experience a whole lot of fear and anger and frustration - all of which are contradictory to true faith.
Anyway, that was way too intense. Sorry. We have an East Indian family in our complex that we have gotten to know and they recently purchased a house not too far away. I asked their daughter, who is Clay's age, how she felt about moving and she told me she was not impressed. I had the realization then that it's only us adults who worry about the size of our house or if we have a yard or whatever else we stress about all the time. Kids are just happy to have someone to play with and a place to go where everyone loves you. Why can't we all be satisfied with that? Our Stake Primary president held a little orientation for our new ward president and, of course, her presidency. She told us that long ago she learned from stake leaders that her stewardship did not simply include the children who come to church, and did not even fall only to those children who should be coming. Rather, our stewardship extends to all children primary age in our ward boundaries. I have been thinking of that for two weeks now and it has changed the way I view and interact with the kids around. I realize they all need a kind word and gentle encouragement to be better and they need good friends who can help them be all they are. What an insight.
Our temple open house begins next week. We are so excited. I can't wait to go do a session. It has been so long. I guess you don't miss it until it's really not an option. May. That's the big month. I was also so excited to hear about my new nephew, Cason Reed. Congratulations Walburgers! I hope all is well with mom and baby and sisters and dad. Let me know sometime what three has done to you. LOL. I miss you all terribly. I love getting the updates from mom and dad, or sometime even through Steve's forwarded letters, but it's just not the same as being there and being able to hear it all from each of you. I love you.
Thanks for letting me just write my thoughts. And if you got bored an just skipped to the end, that's alright too. As our Great-Great Grandma always said (and I have been reading it lately) - Sunshine After Rain.
Life CAN get exhausting and frustrating. To add to your great-grandmother's optimism, my grandfather would say, "This too shall pass."
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